The Darkest Deliverance
by Shallowdreamer
Summary: Inspired by Snape's memories from DH. Severus and Lily attend Hogwarts. Lily fears she made the wrong choice giving up her muggle life to go to Hogwarts, while Severus dabbles in the dark arts and struggles to maintain his strained friendship with the disapproving Lily. When dark forces interfere, are they in too deep to save their friendship, or will they lose themselves trying?
1. Chapter 1: Summer Memories

**A/N:** My interpretation of what Severus and Lily's friendship was like while at Hogwarts. I thought it would be interesting to see a muggle-born wizard struggle to make the adjustment from the muggle world to the wizard world. In this case, Lily was thrilled at first to join the wizard world only to later find out that things aren't as easy and wonderful as she imagined. This story has some sad and dark themes.

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Young Severus lay awake in bed staring at the dark emerald green canopy over his bed. The sounds of his Slytherin friends' snoring irked him. Why should they be able to find peaceful slumber while his mind was running a marathon? He couldn't possibly sleep with Mulciber's growl-like snore permeating the room. It was a wonder anyone slept.

He and Lily had circled the halls having a conversation, one Severus dreaded. She did not like his friends, of this he was well aware. She had made a bullet-point list of things of which she didn't approve, and Severus had listened respectfully through most of it. Once she'd unburdened herself with all of his flaws, He'd turned it right around.

"Right, right. You've made your points clear. Now it's my turn."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he'd wished they'd stayed at bay. His tone was much more confrontational than he'd meant, and Lily's show of placing her hands on her hips made it clear she was not having it. He'd never understand how a tiny little thing like Lily with her thin, delicate frame, porcelain skin, and innocent child-like features could dominate and overrule just about anyone she stood against. Still, the words were out there, and he'd been silent about his opinions for long enough.

"You harp on my case continuously, but you never say a word about your boyfriend, Potter, and his lot and their incessant, insufferable behavior." He said through a clenched jaw. Lily's eye nearly twitched with her discontent.

"He is _not_ my boyfriend, Severus! And I'll thank you to stop saying that he is at every opportunity. You're just jealous-"

"Jealous!" Severus scoffed. "And just what is it do you think I have to be jealous of, hm?" He demanded as his deep black eyes captured hers and refused to let go.

Her shifting eyes and look of confusion made it clear that she wasn't entirely sure of herself. She was lost for words for a moment but quickly changed direction. "I barely talk to him. I don't like him. I'm not even friendly to him, so I don't know why you insist on throwing him in my face every few minutes!" She said indignantly.

"You say that, but-"

"And even if I did like talking to him, what's that got to do with you, _hm?_" She mimicked his earlier tone, invading his space.

His shoulders slumped. He didn't want to argue with her. He didn't even really know what to say, and they'd had this conversation many times before. It never ended well. Instead of drawing the white flag and making amends with her, he'd stormed off in the middle of their argument like a pathetic child.

He huffed and buried his face in his pillow. He could only guess at how angry she was at him. Maybe she was stewing in the unresolved argument. This was the best case scenario. More than likely, she'd forgotten completely about it and him. Maybe she was thinking of James Potter and his ridiculous mess he called hair. She may be laying awake, just as he was, with daydreams of being with Potter. The thought drove him mad.

His train of thought was not productive. Thinking on such negative things wouldn't help him find sleep. His mind started to drift to happier times, summers with Lily. A Hogwarts free summer meant no unnecessary distinctions and no one else to make things complicated between them. At home, she wasn't a Gryffindor, and he wasn't a Slytherin. It was just Lily and Severus. No Avery or Mulciber, no Lucius Malfoy, no James Potter or his gang.

Every summer that passed, Lily was busier and busier. Years ago, Lily spent nearly every day with Severus at the library, the playground, the woods, or the river near Spinner's End. The days were long and hot. Lily's mother would pack Lily two bag lunches of sandwiches and fruit in her messenger bag.

She'd known Severus's favorite was peanut butter and banana with a side of grapes, and that's what he received everyday. She occasionally threw in leftover baked goods in his. Her mother had often mentioned how thin he was when he came over and shoved food into his hand at every opportunity. Even Lily would hand him her own food when he ate particularly hastily in front of her, something he'd tried hard to avoid.

The pair were inseparable. When Lily wasn't playing with her overbearing sister, Petunia, she could be found at the side of an eager young Severus. For reasons he kept to himself, he was up and out of the house every morning before the sun fully arose. For awhile, he'd spent his lone mornings perched by clusters of trees at the edge of the woods within sight of Lily's house.

In Severus's view, Lily liked to sleep her mornings away, and so his morning companion was a collection of dusty works of magical fiction and folklore until she dragged herself out of bed. Every morning, he looked up from his books only to watch both of her parents leave for work, and then he would glance up every now and then hoping she'd come out early. When she finally did make an appearance, in a bright, summery dress and with a cheerful little skip, she knew exactly where to find him.

He suffered from terrible insomnia. He had deep, bruise-like circles rimming his eyes, and a lethargic posture that strictly contrasted the robust approach of his friend. One day, he must've appeared particularly lackluster, because Lily's footsteps slowed as she saw him. She'd frowned down at him and yanked his book from his hands wondering if perhaps the stories were beginning to get to him.

"You look awful, Sev. Don't you ever sleep?" She demanded tapping her foot as she regarded him. He stood laboriously, rubbing his eyes.

"Not well." He sounded as apathetic as he looked. He held his hand out to take his book back, but she clutched it disapprovingly. "Maybe if you didn't stay up all night reading this-this, this, _dark grimoire_ every night, you'd be in better shape." She looked at him expectantly, but he only shrugged. "I only read because I can't sleep. What would you have me do?" He still held his hands out for his book, waving his fingers insistently. She gave it back with an uncertain twist of her lips.

"Why can't you sleep?" She asked. He shrugged again looking down absently at his book. He didn't have anything to say on the matter and wished she'd let it go. She seemed to sense his discomfort and shifted the conversation. "I don't know why you wake up so early when we actually get to sleep in…" She looked at him, but still he said nothing. He was so exhausted it was a miracle he could stand.

He could see the wheels turning in her mind as she looked at him, never a good sign. He'd spoken very little about his home life to her, but she was a sharp girl, very perceptive. She was respectful enough not to ask, but she knew enough to be concerned.

"You know, you don't have to sit out here and wait for me. You can come inside and sleep if you want. The couch is pretty comfortable." She said, a kindness permeating her voice. He had his defensive retorts built up, but he swallowed them at the offer. It took him a minute to process the words he wanted to say. "Your parents won't mind?" He asked rather timidly for him. It wasn't like he hadn't thought of it before she offered. The thought of overstepping his welcome made him nervous.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it closed, biting her lip. He knew her parents were accepting, but their old-fashioned views didn't permit two girls and a boy alone in the house together. Lily looked up at the sky. "Maybe just wait until my parents leave for work. And whatever you do, don't go upstairs. Petunia would have a cow."

"But she'll tell your parents." Severus said with an edge of annoyance. Petunia was a nettlesome brat to put it kindly, and he didn't bother hiding his distaste with the sister she so loved. "No she won't. I caught her with her boyfriend shut up in her bedroom at the beginning of the summer. She wouldn't dare." Lily said with a sly smile.

From then on, Severus took up residence on her sofa for a few extra hours of sleep every morning. He was almost always awake when Lily descended the stairs, and they would discuss where to go first. The library was Lily's place of choice, a hotbed of pretentious muggles and a collection of what they called literature. As energetic as Lily was, this always surprised him. He'd tried to read some of the books she'd suggested, but he found muggle musings to be utterly intolerable and devoid of real content. How she spent hours and hours combing through the pages of these books about the drama of muggles and their insignificant lives, he never knew.

She knew he didn't get it and spared him the in depth analysis of each book. He'd overheard her too many times bestowing that honor onto her muggle friends, who giggled endlessly over the charm of some Ralph de Bricassart. They garnered pleasure from the knowledge that they were deemed too young to partake in such an adult story. Severus rolled his eyes at the memory, thankful that Lily had grown out of some of her previous tastes

If he'd had his way, they would've gone to the river everyday. The river was almost always deserted, and they'd had the whole area to themselves. Sometimes, they'd sit and just talk. Other times, they'd wade through the gently moving water and catch fish with their bare hands. When Lily was feeling particularly adventurous, she'd strip down to her modest bathing suit and dive trustingly into the cool water.

Severus had joined her occasionally, but he wasn't comfortable in any state of undress. Even simply removing his overly large outer coat was an imposition, and water-logged clothes soured his mood. Even then, he knew he didn't like the river spot for anything other than having her to himself.

Lily was quite the popular girl with many friends and family that adored her. Severus was easily cast to the side in a room of loud muggles cawing for her attention. He was her 'quiet friend' she'd always felt the need to explain away. He hadn't missed the strange looks her muggle friends had cast him.

He couldn't look inside minds at that time, but he didn't need to with the plainly read looks on their faces. They couldn't fathom why a girl like her would hang around the likes of him. Though he'd stewed in hatred toward the possessors of those expressions, he'd found himself begrudgingly wondering the same thing.

Severus turned sharply from the threat of that thought spiral and settled on the memory of Lily stealing Petunia's bicycle for him when she'd wanted to ride out to the annual carnival set up miles away. It was too long a walk, but a relatively reasonable biking distance. Lily had just returned from a month long summer camp excursion, and Severus had missed her more desperately than he'd allow himself to believe.

The sound of her distant laughter as she chatted happily with her sister drifted his way, and his heart squeezed excitedly. She'd returned with a wicked sunburn, cuts and scrapes across her skin, and still an excitement for the next thing on her unending agenda.

"Severus!" She'd called from her open bedroom window, having spotted him in his usual spot near the edge of the woods in perfect view of her house. He dragged his head from his book as though he was surprised by the interruption, but it was no accident that he was perfectly in place to be spotted from her bedroom window. He'd been there for hours, and it annoyed him that it had taken her so long to notice him.

She waved emphatically at him, and he was glad she couldn't see his irrepressible eager grin from their distance. Her head disappeared from the window, only to reappear with the rest of her at her front door. He rose to greet her. She was winded when she made it over to his reading spot, but that didn't stop her from throwing her arms around him in a quick embrace. He didn't have time to take in much more than the smell of sunscreen before she retracted and beamed at him. He'd barely gotten a question in about how camp had been before she was shoving an ad poster for the carnival in his face.

"I saw this on the way home. Wanna go with me?" She bounced on the balls of her feet as she regarded him.

He quirked an eyebrow at the paper skeptically. He didn't have to research it to know it wasn't going to be his thing, but he found himself nodding without argument. He didn't care what they did in that moment, just as long as he was with her. She squealed at his consent and pulled him up toward her house. And then he realized the mistake he'd made.

Lily wasn't usually a girl of sound logic, rather, she favored impulsivity and acted on the simplest whims. She'd pulled out her own bicycle before Severus could protest. "It's too far to walk. We'll have to bike." She said and secured her sister's bike in her other hand. Severus had protested mildly, but he'd given in quickly despite having never ridden a bike before.

He was amazed by the power she'd had over him, having only been gone for a month. It was enough to have him eating out of the palm of her hand. The afternoon devolved into Lily teaching him how to ride the bike, which took an absurd and embarrassing amount of time. By the time he'd gotten it down, the carnival was all but forgotten, and Petunia came bounding over having noticed her missing property with a shrill protest.

The memory inspired a small, raspy chuckle, a dark sound in the even darker bedroom. Lily's summers were indeed becoming busier and busier with the passing time. The dynamic between Severus and Lily was changing. Lily's world was opening up before her, Severus's was closing in on him. Now in his sixth year, he wasn't the same needy child that clung to Lily like she was his only source of light. She may've been, but he had the faculties to cope with such things on his own now.

They may've had less and less time together with the passing years, but the moments were more acutely felt for Severus. Lily was a free spirit, a fact that both intrigued and annoyed him. Her head was in the clouds while Severus tried to tether her to solid ground. The girl sometimes acted as though she believed her actions held no consequences. More than likely, she hadn't even considered them at all. For a bright girl, she could be quite thick.

At school, this was different. She kept calm and collected, levelheaded and thoughtful. Very much like a Slytherin. Part of Severus doubted the sorting hat's choice of house for Lily. She would've made an excellent Slytherin, and Merlin knows it would've been good for her to be around likeminded people. Together, they could've kicked her obsession with the muggle world along with her more impulsive nature to the curb. She'd be as unhindered as he, if only that blasted Gryffindor house hadn't sunken its ideological sewage into her and polluted her mind.

The evidence of its influence unleashed in the summer time, when Lily had the time and freedom to frolic with muggles and engage in their inane customs. When he was younger, he would follow her and participate with few protests, but as he aged, he simply refused. He wouldn't sink to such a level with her and her squealing group of girlfriends. They went to the movies, the beach, to concerts, sporting events, the circus, parties, barbecues, loud social events, the pool, and the list was ongoing. They went to the mall nearly everyday, and really what could be so interesting there that she felt the need to visit so often?

Unfortunately, he suspected he knew exactly what held her interest. The thought of the hair-flipping, overly cocky muggle boys he'd seen standing around the food court turned his stomach nearly as much as James Potter did. Severus was hyperaware of the way they looked at Lily and her friends as they walked by. Their eyes lingered on Lily's long legs exposed in her miniskirt. Though the girls didn't look their way, they purposefully slowed their pace as they walked by, laughing in low tones.

Lily liked the attention she was getting. Severus couldn't believe how she was acting, how she was lowering herself to levels he hadn't anticipated. She would never act in such a demeaning way at Hogwarts, the thought would never have even occurred to her. She'd be too busy with her studies, the atmosphere not allowing for quite this brand of foolishness. He couldn't wait for school to start back.

The day before they were back on the train to Hogwarts, Severus found himself back in his old reading spot near enough to see her house and occupants in the yard. He'd come to this spot less and less, just as he'd spent less and less time with Lily. But every now and then when he felt lonely or too curious to keep away, he'd settle against the tree and switch between reading and watching the house. He could barely see a sliver of her bedroom, but it contained part of her bed and a mirror that reflected the other side of the room. He spared only a second of thought mentally scolding her for not closing her curtains before feeling grateful for her foolish, trustful nature.

The goal wasn't really to spy on her, though that's what he was doing. He'd hoped to be spotted in his old place, like she'd done many times previous. Why he didn't just knock on her door and ask to speak to her, he wasn't sure. She surely would've welcomed him like she always did. It could be his pride wouldn't allow him. A darker train of thought reminded him that she hadn't purposefully been avoiding him like he'd been doing with her. She'd actually forgotten all about him. Clearly she had, for his house was only a five minute walk down the street, and she was well aware of his whereabouts. She hadn't seen him in more than a week, calculated on Snape's part, and she hadn't even bothered to check up on him.

He narrowed his eyes at the girl sprawled on her bed chatting happily into the telephone. She was still in her pajamas at noon, and as she hung up the phone, she found the inspiration to change her clothes nearly in front of her window for the world to see. Severus could only see the edge of her backside as she stripped her shirt off, no bra underneath. With a deep sigh, he dropped his gaze back to his book. Even annoyed with her behavior and total obliviousness, he still respected her privacy.

It had been made crystal clear that her mind was elsewhere. She wasn't going to notice him. He'd resolved himself to go back to his bedroom and finish packing when she emerged from the house, her arms full with two large sacks.

"Severus!" She called smiling widely.

She was wearing knee-length jean shorts and a plain white t-shirt, her hair hanging in loose curly strands about her form. Her sunglasses shielded her eyes but didn't hide her excitement. She couldn't wave to him with her hands full, so she bounced excitedly instead. His annoyance melted away as he regarded her, and he made his way hastily to her side tucking his book under his arm. She was struggling to tug the car door open, and Severus ran to grab it for her.

"Thanks!" She said as she tossed the full bags in the back seat. With her hands free, she turned to him with an expectant smile. "Where have you been? I thought you'd come by, but when I went to your house, your dad said you'd gone back to school already." Lily said with a puzzled tilt of her head. Severus felt warmth bloom in his chest. She had come looking for him, she hadn't forgotten him at all. He couldn't contain a smile, so he acted as though he was scratching his mouth and covered it. "My father isn't known for his convictions for the truth." He said simply, but his tone was colored with the warmth he felt.

Lily beamed at him. "Well, I'm so glad you're still here! I've got to have this laundry washed before I pack. Do you want to go for a ride with me?" The smile brightening her face was conspiratorial. Confusion furrowed his brow. "A ride?" He looked at the car they stood next to with uncertainty. Lily smiled with all of her white teeth showing as she held the keys to the car up. "My parents gave me this car! Isn't that groovy?" She jumped in place excitedly.

Severus did not find anything to be 'groovy' - a ridiculous muggle term Lily heard on some American TV show she fawned over - much less Lily behind the wheel of a car. Transportation vehicles were a necessary evil in the muggle world, but that didn't change his harsh view of those who drove them. He didn't find any muggle to be competent enough to handle such a weapon-like machine.

As for wizards who sunk to using such a faulty mode of transport, Severus had no words. Nothing could be more pointless when one had the ability to apparate to anywhere in the world. Of course, he and Lily were underage and could not implement such methods until they turned 17. Still he was concerned by her interest in handling the dangerous muggle equipment. He tried to keep his face carefully expressionless as he looked her over.

"You're not even of age." He said as though he'd made a valid point. He couldn't care less about muggle law. She shrugged unconcerned. "Not technically, but I've been practicing all summer. I'm perfectly capable. Hop in!" She said slipping into the driver's seat before he could protest.

He stood awestruck by her bold stupidity as she cranked the engine to a soft puff. She rolled the window down and turned her head in his direction with a mischievous smile.

"Get in, Severus." She said in amusement.

She knew he'd do what she'd asked, even if he didn't understand it himself. "This is a terrible idea. You'll be caught by the police, or worse, you'll wreck and hurt yourself." He shook his head vigorously as she beckoned him forward. His protests only seemed to encourage her. She watched him for another moment before shrugging. "Suit yourself." She switched the gear to reverse.

"Wait-" Every sensible thought in his mind shouted for him to stay put, and yet he found himself clambering into the passenger's side, stiff as a board. She turned on the radio, and the sudden blasting music startled him. "Must you play the music that loud? You won't be able to concentrate with that racket." He said, but she ignored him as she backed out of the driveway smoothly and pulled away. He gasped as she increased her speed, and she laughed lightheartedly. "Don't be such a square! Loosen up a bit! I'm a good driver!" She said tapping the steering wheel off beat from the music she was trying to emulate.

"I'm not a 'square,' as you say. I hardly find it outside the realm of reason to be concerned. Muggle inventions are dreadfully flawed at their most operational, and we're barreling lackadaisically within one with a long history of death attached to it." Severus was pressed firmly into the seat, his nails digging into the seat. He'd only ever ridden with his father in a car a handful of times for short periods of time, and his father was quite reckless.

"We are not _barreling_. I'm driving under the bloody speed limit." She scoffed. "Who set that bloody speed limit? It's no wonder there are so many accidents!" He hissed, and Lily sighed slowing a tad. Both were silent, Lily watching the road and enjoying the music, and Severus watching Lily's every move critically. "Aren't you going to learn to drive?" She asked after awhile.

Severus made a derisive sound in his throat. "Of course not. I've no need to do anything of the sort. What a waste of time when you can apparate." He said crossing his arms over his chest judgmentally. She flashed a small smile in his direction. She'd noticed that he'd managed to calm enough to settle into his usual snarky demeanor. He noticed her smugly eyeing his more relaxed body language and shifted spitefully back to his tense posture.

"You're a right git, you know that? When you manage to come up for air from your own ass, maybe you'll look around at what you're missing." Her head swiveled in the direction of some distant grass pastures dotted with patches of brightly colored flowers. Severus stirred from his simmering long enough to grab her wrist, forcing her attention. "Watch the road, Lily." He said sternly.

Lily rolled her eyes with a teasing smile. "Yes, _Dad_." She sneered ignoring his pointed grimace. "I just wanted to point out that magic doesn't always make everything better. If we'd apparated, we'd've miss the joy of the ride and the beautiful view." She said as she glanced out the window every now and then. Severus couldn't deny that, but it wasn't the driving sights that held his attention. It was the way the afternoon sunlight washed over her freckled skin and dark red hair, the whipping of that messy, curly hair in the wind of the open window, and the sparkle in her emerald green eyes. She was the beautiful view that made the drive seem worth it, and if the drive made her happy, he could learn to live with it. For now.

"How can you listen to this drivel? It's positively grating!" He said wincing at the loud disco instruments stealing his attention. He'd always pestered her about her taste in music, and she'd always clapped back with his lack of appreciation for any music. He didn't even like wizard music. Really he disliked noise, much preferring silence. "It drowns out your whingeing." She shrugged but turned it down for his benefit.

At the laundromat, Lily gave Severus one of the packed bags of dirty laundry and took the other. "This one is just t-shirts." She said as she settled her stuff at one washing machine. "I'm doing your laundry?" A sarcastic note slipped into his tone as he settled to the machine next to hers. "I think so." She smiled warmly at him as she started unloading her own bag of soiled garments into the wash indiscriminately.

"You've thrown something red in with the rest of it." He said as he started rifling through her dirty t-shirts. "It's fine." She said. But Severus hadn't only seen 'something red.' That something was a reminder of the influence of her muggle friends. Lily had walked around from the beginning of the summer picking at her bottom somewhat frequently. She'd tried to do it discreetly, and she believed she'd been slick, but Severus was sure he'd caught her just about every time while he was around her. He didn't want to be rude and ask such a personal question, but one day the curiosity had been too much.

"Do you have an itch?" He asked while she had her back to the wall of her living room digging in her pants. She froze and instantly withdrew her hand, standing stiffly. "What?" The word flitted from her mouth like she'd spit, though her voice was quiet. "You've been fiddling with your pants a lot lately. Itchy?" He wasn't sure where he'd gathered the gall to continue down this road.

Lily's cheeks warmed as she looked at Severus. "Nervous habit, I suppose." She said simply, but her reaction had discounted that theory. She'd retreated off to the kitchen, and when Snape followed silently after her, she was bent over picking a piece of paper up off the floor. Her rear end was firm in her low-riding jeans - riding low enough to expose thin red straps of a thong cutting into the pale flesh at her hips. The surprised words bubbled to the surface before he thought them through.

"It's your underwear." He said plainly, startling Lily back upright.

"What about my underwear?" The blush went from pink to red and spread down her neck as she roughly tugged her jeans up to hide the straps. He lost his nerve as her green eyes raked over him, and embarrassment settled. "Nothing. I'm just not surprised that you're constantly picking at your bum wearing those." He cringed inwardly as he said it, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Lily blinked several times as though she'd misheard him before crossing her arms over her chest and assuming her stubborn position. Great. "Excuse me, I don't remember inviting you to make comments about my underwear."

"I shouldn't have-"

"No, of course you shouldn't have. Pull down your trousers and let's see what you're wearing, hm? I'm sure I could make my own assessment." She said tauntingly and his mouth gaped a tad. "Don't be ridiculous." He rolled his eyes as though he had the high ground, but he was too sweaty to be believable. Lily pulled her wand out in mock threat.

"Be careful, Sev, I've learned a thing or two about pants removal spells from… people at Hogwarts." She'd tried to save it, but she'd managed to bring up both James Potter and one of the most humiliating encounters he'd had with him without saying it aloud. Her face fell as she awaited the sour mood that mentioning James Potter usually brought about in him. Graciously, he'd let it go that moment and changed the subject.

"Earth to Severus?" Lily had waved her hand in front of his face at the laundromat, and he snapped to attention. "What?" "Here." She placed a few coins into his hand. "For the wash, and a tip for your trouble." She smiled wryly. He tried to hand it back. "I'm already doing your laundry, so I might as well treat you this time." He said and dug inside the pocket of his black slacks. "Don't be-" He'd already started the machine and returned her change before she could finish her protest.

"Fine." She said, spinning on her heels toward the door to the laundromat. "Where are you going?" He questioned, but her exit was swift and punctuated by the ding of the bell above the door. He frowned, irked at her abrupt departure. He was trying to be nice to her. Could she really be so offended by his kindness that she'd leave him there? Furthermore, why did his every attempt at altruism somehow fall pitifully flat?

Five minutes passed, and although her laundry was washing and he could still clearly see her car, somehow he'd convinced himself she'd left. A storm cloud had settled overtop of him as he glowered at her spinning laundry. How stupid and unfair she could be sometimes, especially to him. She would've never up and left one of her muggle friends. But then again, her other friends weren't pathetic sacks like he was. She knew she could do whatever she wanted regarding him, and he'd forgive her and come crawling right back without incident. He cursed himself quietly under his breath.

He looked back up at the ringing of the door opening to find Lily with her arms full. The brooding thoughts retreated at her return, leaving him feeling satisfied and only slightly guilty for his negativity. With a smug smile, she forced a can of soda into his hand and arranged her tray of goodies onto the table behind them.

"If you're treating me to laundry, I'm treating you to lunch." Her smile widened as she handed him a hot sandwich and a basket of chips coated in ketchup. He was repressing his smile, but he could tell she wasn't fooled. "That doesn't seem fair. Lunch is more expensive than a rinse cycle. Here." He started to put his food and drink down so he could dig in his pocket, but Lily grabbed his wrists still.

"Sev." She fixed him with playfully narrowed eyes. He didn't move or say anything, and she smirked. "You're welcome. Eat." She tore into her own food ravenously. He slowly took a small bite, and she rolled her eyes. She knew as well as he that he could be just as stubborn as she was.

Later that night, Lily had invited him over for dinner. "If you want to spend your last night with your parents, I understand." She said with a weird expression. She seemed to struggle between the realm of awkward faux pas and polite, obligatory commentary. Severus just shook his head. "I want to come over." This time, he forced a small smile. He didn't want her to worry about offending him when she was trying to do something nice for him.

Dinners at Lily's house were always lively. All four of the Evans family members were chatty, even sour Petunia. She seemed to talk over everyone to be sure she was heard and pouted when everyone ignored her. Lily laughed a lot when she was with them, and that made Severus happy. The sound of her laugh always warmed his insides with its sweet, soft pulse. He, like most social situations he found himself in, was quietly listening and only spoke when spoken to.

After dinner, the family usually watched a movie together. Severus, being the guest, got first pick, but after a polite decline, Lily received the honor. Of course she chose a sappy romance with a dashing and heroic protagonist. He resisted the urge to scowl at the first few scenes of utter mush. Deciding against giving the film a chance like Lily had requested, he found his eyes wandering as discreetly as possible over to her. He sat beside her on the love seat maintaining a friendly distance, but they were sitting closer than they normally would given the tiny sofa.

She was curled in on herself with her legs tucked up underneath her and arms wrapped around her knees. Unlike him, her eyes were glued to the screen, eyes wide and eagerly drinking in each scene. Her shoulders stiffened at drama filled moments, she gasped frequently, and her cheeks warmed at the chemistry of the characters as they leaned in for their first kiss. Her teeth gnawed delicately on her plump bottom lip subconsciously.

He heard Lily sigh softly, a happy, contented sound. Severus blatantly looked at her, no longer worried she'd catch him watching. Her reactions were making his heart thud unevenly. He wanted to be the cause of that surprisingly sensual breath. She'd never paid him any attention in that way before, but he often wondered if she ever thought of him that way. He wondered were he to follow the lead of the bold male lead and pull her into his arms, capturing her lips with his own, if she would return his kiss. Maybe she would draw closer wanting more of him, his body pressing tightly against her own.

He was watching the lovers on screen intertwining their bodies in a modest love scene, but he was imagining her pulling him on top of her and wrapping her legs around him, his name slipping from her mouth as a sultry purr. The tiniest intake of breath gave away his excitement, and his lips snapped shut, his cheeks a rosy pink.

Luckily, everyone was as entranced by the movie as Lily and took no notice of him. He shoved the thoughts far away and returned to the movie carefully averting his eyes from Lily. This was certainly not the place to be having such inappropriately adventurous thoughts, especially in current company. His pants were too tight in a most restrictive and uncomfortable way. He covered himself with the ends of his coat and wrapped himself up tightly, wishing not to be seen at all.

When the movie had ended, he couldn't say goodnight fast enough. Embarrassed and self-conscious, he declined Lily's offer to walk him home and made his escape. In his bedroom - after relieving the tingly tension that had build at her house - he lay in bed daydreaming about Lily. It was obvious that she was interested in romance and intimacy, and with resentment, he speculated about the type of guys she was looking for. Bold, daring, confident, cocky, self-assured, handsome, the kind of guy that gets all the attention without even having to try. With a vicious scowl, he thought of James Potter before throwing that thought out.

No, he had faith in Lily. She wouldn't fall for his juvenile pick up lines and tricks. Only a braindead moron would fall for someone like Potter. Eliminating Potter from the equation, Severus could be what Lily was looking for. They had much in common. He'd never be popular, he'd accepted that fact a long time ago, but he could be bold and confident with a little effort.

The more he thought on it, he desired to be everything Lily was looking for. He wanted to be with her and give her everything she'd been dreaming about since she was a young girl. He could sweep her off her feet and romance her as well as any of those characters she'd been crazy about throughout their friendship. And he was real. Real, breathing, warm, and there for her. He would argue that he knew her better than anyone, and that had to be worth something. He'd thought eagerly of going back to Hogwarts. He was sure that once he was back in his element and she in hers, he'd be able to prove himself a viable mate.

Severus sighed deeply as he turned over restlessly in bed. They'd been back at Hogwarts for nearly two weeks, and the two had hardly had time to spend together. And what little time they had was spoiled by needless arguments. Lily wasn't the only one who'd been busy with other things. Severus was deep in studying the dark arts, and when it came to his personal life, the walls had eyes and ears.

The pressure to sever the friendship was not new, rather it was increased ten fold as he quickly approached adulthood. He'd soon be enrolled in formal Death Eater training, and that required full focus. None in his group approved of his affiliation with Lily, a mudblood as far as they were concerned. Lucius Malfoy was dead set against him having any ties with her or anyone else outside of the core group of Slytherin cohorts, and he ominously voiced his view often.

Even so, the thought of abandoning Lily to any degree was egregious and not to be entertained. He knew full well that Malfoy, Voldemort's favorite Hogwarts attendee, was watching his every move. He was considered valuable to the cause, garnering him a fair amount of attention within the group. But as much as he wanted to be strong and do what needed to be done, the truth was he couldn't bare to part with the girl he loved so deeply for so long.

As he tossed and turned, he resolved to seek Lily out first thing in the morning and resolve the conflict he'd let stew. Nothing else mattered until she'd forgiven him. What would come after was a mystery, one that would need attention and planning on his part to solve. How exhausting. With a wide yawn, Severus settled himself for a light, unsatisfying sleep. He had a whole school year to dwell on these things, and for the moment, his troubles could wait until morning.

Even restless sleep wasn't disrupted by the low squeaking of the bedroom door on hinges or the creaking of floorboards under a light footfall. The tall, dark figure approaching Severus's bed emerged into the moonlight, illuminating cascading platinum blonde hair and shiny blue eyes. Severus slept with a pucker between his brows as though he was discontented.

A long, slender arm descended on the sleeping figure, first delicately swiping his hair from his forehead before touching a fingertip to a troubled wrinkle on his forehead. "_Legilimens!_" A hissy whispered drawl blended among snores. The time was counted by the quick beats of Severus's heart, and slowly his brows relaxed and returned to a neutral position, almost peaceful. "Ah. Foolish boy." The finger retracted and thin lips brushed against the soft skin of his cheek as though placing an affectionate kiss.

"You put up a good front. You are even weaker than I could've imagined." The whisper was a near growl, disregarding the sleep of the young man. He remained unconscious as the figure glided like a wisp of wind from the room and left a blissfully ignorant Severus to his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2: The Disheveled Shed

"Why are we coming all the way out here?" Severus asked slightly winded. It was midday between classes, and the sun was heating his skin mercilessly despite the comfortable temperature outside. Students were milling about either heading to their classes or enjoying their free period. Severus wasn't keen on squandering the little free time he had wandering about aimlessly, though that seemed to be the course of the afternoon.

"You'll see, hurry up!" Lily shouted over her shoulder skipping ahead of him happily. Severus watched her with a sigh of acceptance. "Can you at least tell me where we're going? Is it much farther?" His tone was slightly snarky, but his unwillingness to accompany her had slipped away with the obvious shift in her mood.

Since summer break had ended and they'd returned to Hogwarts, she was unrecognizable. Gone was the bright-eyed, easily excitable girl he'd seen back home. In her place was a quiet, demure girl who seemed to be lost in thought more than present with him. She didn't often speak unless spoken to, a development that perturbed him. He hadn't realized just how much of their interactions had been guided by her incessant chatter. If it had bothered him before, he'd never be bothered by it again. Without it, he found himself floundering for things to talk about to fill the uncomfortably long silences.

Her posture sagged, her sparkling green eyes darkened, and her clothes were becoming baggy on her thinning frame. He didn't wonder as to why she was losing weight. Though he sat at the Slytherin table at meals, pretending to engage in the group conversation, he watched her disinterestedly shove food around her plate with a fork until she chucked it in the bin.

Severus had spent much of the summer practicing legilimency with Lucius Malfoy. With his recently acquired ability to look inside minds, he focused his energies on Lily. A light perusal of her thoughts after classes one day confirmed his suspicions and surprised him, stealing his breath. His invasion had gone beyond her notice, but his reaction sparked a little life in the girl. "What?" She asked with a quirked brow as though she suspected his meddling.

Severus didn't answer, but he held her gaze, her almond eyes widening. He'd skimmed the surface of a mass of complicated, negative emotion, feelings she didn't fully understand herself. In his brief glimpse, he'd experienced what she felt. It dried his throat and left his eyes stinging with the threat of tears that didn't belong to him. He'd seen the image of her in her dorm room packing away her things and sneaking off into the night back to the muggle world. She'd been fantasizing about it for days, and this was the behavior that would force him to break his silence on her decline.

"Sev?" Lily grabbed his wrist and shook it, forcing him back to the present. He readily absorbed her smile and was thankful for whatever silly thing was sure to have put it there. It was hard to maintain a heavy mindset when she was so lighthearted. She pointed at an old, splintered shed that housed the quidditch brooms. "It's worth the long walk." Her smile widened, and she grabbed his hand. He was hyperaware how sweaty his palms were, but she ignored it pulling him along.

They stopped right outside of the shed, Lily pressing her ear to the door. Severus heard a chorus of soft, squeaky noises. "Do you have animals in there?" He asked apprehensively. She smiled brightly at him before pushing the door slowly with a creak. "Hurry, they'll escape!" She said pulling him inside and shutting the door. The shed was tiny even for just two small people. They were crammed inside so close he could feel the warmth of her body without touching her.

"_Lumos_." She said and filled the space with a warm yellow light. Four little black kittens ran up to her meowing in greeting and rubbing against her legs. "Hello my little darlings! Did you miss me?" She dropped to her knees, and the kittens hopped on her lap pawing her playfully. She giggled and ruffled their fur. "Where did you get those?" Severus asked, unimpressed. After she'd built suspense by not telling him, a gaggle of kittens was a letdown. He supposed he should be grateful that it was only kittens, given her fascination with the abominable creatures Hagrid smuggled in.

"My cat, Marbles, had them a while back. We're only allowed one pet, but I couldn't bare to send them home, so I hid them." She said simply. He crossed his arms ignoring the urge to roll his eyes. "How are you hiding them here? Don't people use these brooms?" He asked. She smiled slyly. "You think I'm the only one who loves kittens? Lots of people come visit these little guys. Here." She pulled him down to a sitting position beside her and handed him one of the kittens. He took it without thinking, then held it away from his body gripping it awkwardly by the abdomen .

"Er, what am I supposed to do with it?" He asked grimacing as the kitten squirmed roughly in his grip. "You aren't holding him right. Like this." She took the kitten from him, brought his hands together in a cupping fashion, and placed it back into his hands. It curled up into a tight ball in his hands purring lightly. It looked up at him and meowed in contentment. Severus couldn't help the small, unwilling smile that crept onto his face, his thumbs rubbing at the kitten's sides.

The other three kittens were climbing up Lily's robes, and she leaned back laughing with her legs slightly apart before him, her skirt bunched up at her thighs. She didn't seem to notice, but Severus couldn't help his wide-eyed stare. It was too dark to see anything other than flashes of the frilly lace of her knickers. Regardless, he preoccupied himself with the ball of fur in his hands. He didn't want her to catch him staring up her skirt, but for Merlin's sake, she wouldn't close her legs!

With a slight tinge of annoyance, he wondered how she could be so oblivious. Was she trying to tease him? If indeed she was, it was eliciting the intended response within him. He fidgeted uncomfortably while trying to reposition his legs to hide his growing arousal. What a trouble maker she was. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she must've noticed a breeze and pulled her legs together, sitting up and straightening her skirt back down. She didn't seem bothered by it, nor did she share his tension.

"Ouch! What the-" Severus shouted grabbing at his head. One of the kittens had scaled up his back, jumped onto his head and gotten its claws tangled in his thick, black tresses. Lily cackled only just managing to stay upright. He was trying to pry the kitten away from him when Lily gathered herself.

"Wait, hold on, don't tug! Let me do it!" She insisted still huffing with laughter. She moved into his space on her knees with her bosom level with his face. She reached over him to grab the kitten and pulled oily strands of his hair away chunk by chunk until the kitten was free. A self-conscious blush warmed him unpleasantly. If he'd known she would be digging around in his hair, he would've washed it that morning. He held his breath, but the sweet smell of her skin and hair was trapped in that breath.

She placed the kitten gently on the ground and ran her fingers through his hair smoothing the frizzed patch. "There. They just get overly excited, that's all." She moved away, and sharp disappointment surprised him. He so longed for her to return and caress his scalp, for the rest of the day if she would.

The sound of loud laughter outside of the shed was the only warning before the door swung open, and sunlight flooded the little shed blinding them. "Well, well! Thought I heard Snivelly's voice!" The twitchy movements of Sirius Black were the first thing Severus registered. Black's eyes shifted to Lily and amusement colored his face. "What's going on in here? Did we interrupt something?" Said Sirius with a sneer.

"Oh, bloody hell!" James Potter exclaimed, peering around Sirius with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "C'mon, Evans, I know he's a sad sack, but you don't have to sneak away to have pity sex with him. You're better than that." James said with a playful, faux look of disgust . Severus stiffened beside Lily, but Lily was preoccupied watching the kittens dart out of the shed. "You jackass! You let the kittens out! Help me get them!"

Lily bolted to her feet. Severus started to stand too, but Sirius reached in and shoved him back down. He dropped the kitten he was holding and hurriedly secured it before it could run after the others. "Aw, how sweet! Snivellus is playing with _kitty cats_! Isn't that precious!" James said. "I do believe that qualifies as animal abuse." Sirius said, and the two laughed. Severus's fists were clenched painfully tight as he regarded them, his face twisted in anger. He started to slip his wand from his robe, but Lily was jogging back to the shed with the caught kittens in her arms.

"Piss off, the both of you!" She said as she returned the kittens to the shed and closed them in. "Aw, come now, Evans, don't tell me you can't take a joke. I'm only trying to make you laugh. Besides, If I did that, I wouldn't be able to see your pretty face." James flared his eyebrows at Lily. She scoffed at James while lightly patting Severus's hand to keep him calm. The last time James had riled him up, Severus had ended up on one of the roofs of the castle and received two weeks of detention for the chaos it created.

"Leave us alone, James." Her tone was laced with a dark edge. This only widened his smile. "I don't think I can do that. Leaving you here alone with a creep like Snivellus makes my skin crawl." Severus stepped forward, but Lily firmly gripped his wrist, restraining him. "Don't stoop to their level. Let's go" With a dignified twist, she whisked away pulling Severus alongside her.

He was glaring nastily at them over his shoulder before he turned his attention back to Lily. She was silent, breathing heavily and staring blankly ahead as though daydreaming. He could feel her lighthearted, happy mood slip away slowly back to quiet desolation. This would've been the time to call attention to her falling mental state and say something comforting, but logic and words evaded him, so he remained silent.

They had walked nearly back to the castle safely away from the riffraff when Lily stopped. It took him a moment to realize she'd stopped, and he turned to find her looking quite perplexed. She leaned against the thick trunk of a tree with her arms folded, her eyes firmly on the ground, and her brows knitted.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked. Her voice was carefully devoid of emotion, almost robotic. He'd heard this before. She sounded this way when she was trying very hard to be strong even though she felt weak.

He frowned and closed the little bit of distance between them. "Anything." He said. She looked firmly at the ground rubbing the back of her hand. "I…" She gulped at the welling emotion. "…Well…. Sometimes I…" She couldn't seem to form a thought accurate enough to say aloud. "Never mind."

"No, go on. Sometimes you what?" He asked insistently. It was high time she shared her distress with him, and he wasn't going to let it go. She sighed deeply. "Sometimes I have regrets about coming to Hogwarts… About joining the wizard world." As she spoke, the overwhelming truth of the statement pierced her. Her stomach dropped, and she grimaced.

Finally, after five years of creeping suspicion on Severus's part, of watching her struggle, finally she trusted him enough to divulge her turmoil. He'd anticipated a discussion similar to this for years, and yet, hearing the words spoken in her trembling voice with so much raw emotion floored him.

He'd rehearsed what he'd say when she finally came to him, but in the moment, words left him. He did wonder why she chose now to confess her troubles, though his suspicions on the matter were leading him nowhere good. When he spoke, he tried to keep the sour note from his tone.

"What brought this on all of the sudden? If it's those imbeciles-"

"It's not them…" Her voice deepened, and she closed her eyes for a long moment.

Severus waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts. Finally, she sighed and started for the castle. "Forget I said anything. Really, it's stupid." She forced a small smile to placate him, but it had the opposite effect. He jogged after her. "That may be, but I won't forget you said it. You've been acting strangely since we've returned to school. Lily…"

He straightened and towered over her, his piercing charcoal eyes holding hers. His voice was thick with an imposing authority. "If you're thinking of running away-"

"Shhh!" Lily hissed.

People walked around them within hearing range, and he realized he was close to shouting. "Lower your voice!" She cast a nervous glance around both shoulders. "Why would you even say that? I'm not going to run away." She said, but he didn't miss the almost guilty twinge in her eyes as she looked past him. "You'd better be telling the truth, because if you try to run-"

"What? Gonna tell on me, are you?"

He just stared at her, searching her face. In truth, he wasn't sure what he'd do if she really did try to run. He couldn't allow her to do it and risk expulsion from Hogwarts, so if he couldn't convince her himself, he'd have no choice. She took his silence as answer enough and brusquely walked past him.

"This is why I don't tell you things. You jump to conclusions and stick your big nose where it doesn't belong!" She said, huffing as she stalked forward. Severus straightened and inhaled loudly through his nose in anger. It sounded like she'd taken an insult straight from James Potter's book, a particularly low blow considering how many times he'd heard it.

For too long he stood petulant and firmly planted, glaring at her retreat. But he couldn't let her walk away from this issue, lest she act on her stupid impulses. With a rough shake of his head, he stalked after her. "Lily! Get back here!"

She'd already made it inside the main entrance to the castle. He shoved his way through students lingering on the steps, hurrying after her.

He heard the loud gasps and giggles before he rounded the corner. Just outside of the great hall, a crowd of girls from every house were gathered around a large poster with dancing figures twirling around the corners of the page.

"A dance? It's been so long since Hogwarts hosted a dance!"

"I know! I've never been to a dance before! How exciting!"

"A Halloween themed dance! How perfect! I have just the dress for the occasion!"

Bits of conversation were muddled with others, but Severus caught the gist. He lingered outside of the crowd apprehensively. As ridiculous as it was, sometimes girls made him nervous, especially in large, chatty groups like this. He rolled his eyes at the overly excitable girls agonizing over who would take them, what they would wear, and how they'd fix their hair. How stupid. Only vacuous fools with nothing better to do would display such giddiness over a frivolous dance.

And then Lily emerged from the crowd of girls with a big, giddy grin stretching from ear to ear. Of course. Severus's lips thinned as he caught her beaming eyes. Of course Lily would enjoy this sort of thing. It was reminiscent of the sort of time wasting events in which muggles indulged. She had a pep in her step as she made her way down the hall, but she slowed a bit as she approached him. She gnawed on her bottom lip looking away.

She opened her mouth to speak, but something bumped her roughly forward, and she staggered into Severus who caught her before she could fall. Long, silvery-blonde hair whipped Lily in the face as Lucius recovered himself from the disruption. "Terribly sorry." He said in a most monotonous tone. He reached for Lily and pulled her from Severus's arms, repositioning her where she had been before she'd been knocked down.

Lily stood motionless, dumbstruck as Lucius brought his cold, bony hands down around her neck as he straightened her collar and smoothed the wrinkles of her school robes. Her breath caught and she froze, startled by the sensation of his touch. He'd never so much as glanced her way, much less touched her. Though he wasn't as vocal as others, she was fairly certain he didn't approve or associate with those of her blood status. So why did he have his mitts all over her? She chanced a glance up at him, but he wasn't looking at her.

His eyes were glued to Severus as his hands moved slowly, deliberately over her robes. Looking at his face, Severus seemed disinterested in the display, but his knuckles were white as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. The feel of hands brushing for the briefest moment across her breasts snapped Lily out of the trance that Lucius's presence had settled over her. She wouldn't tolerate his hands on her any longer, and she moved back with flushed cheeks.

The movement drew a quick glance from Lucius, but his eyes were back on Severus within a second, his hands folded neatly in front of him. All three looked between them in silence, two of the three lost for words. Lucius cleared his throat quietly and straightened to his full height, just a tad taller than Severus.

"You may not want to make a habit of lingering in the hall. Lot of activity." His eyes shifted from Severus to Lily and back. "I'll be seeing you." With a slight bow, Lucius swept off, his hair whisking across Severus's rigid form as he invaded his space and passed. Despite the regal countenance, there was no doubt of his animus. Even Lily, feeling confused and slightly violated, sensed it. It took the two a moment to shake the tense atmosphere left by the suspicious seventh year.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you." She said slowly, looking at the floor in thought. She looked as though she had more to say, and Severus waited patiently. She opened her mouth and then closed it twice before finally she sighed. "I know I've been acting strange, and I understand if you're... well, if you're concerned." She spoke with little confidence and couldn't meet his eyes. "I know I should talk about it, and I will. I will, but now just isn't the time, and I need you to respect that."

Her eyes flashed up with burning questioning as she regarded him. He felt the challenge in her words, almost daring him to argue or demand answers from her. Is that really what she expected from him? Sure he could be insensitive sometimes, but he'd always been there for her when she needed him. He narrowed his eyes. Her challenge rubbed him the wrong way, but he knew she was testing him, and he was determined to pass. He shoved the traitorous words he longed to say to the back of his mind and simply nodded his acknowledgement. Lily was satisfied with his response and rewarded him with a genuine smile. "Walk me to lunch?" She asked, a request he gladly fulfilled.

Aside from their remaining classes, they spent most of the rest of the day together engaged in cheerier conversation. Today was the first day since they'd been back at Hogwarts that Lily seemed her normal self, and Severus couldn't bring himself to sully it with unpleasant topics. Both were going out of their way to avoid what would surely spark the other's distaste.

They ate a hefty dinner at their separate house tables, walked the halls in blatant disregard of Lucius's earlier warning, and ended up outside of the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Severus looked longingly at the portrait of the fat lady wishing that he could follow Lily inside. He didn't want to say goodnight so early. He would forego sleep if it meant he could stay with her.

"Well, I guess you'd better head back before Filch busts us for breaking curfew." Lily said with a sad smile. Severus pursed his lips in thought. She'd successfully hidden away the sorrow she'd felt earlier from him, but it seemed she couldn't hold back any longer now that he was leaving. This worried him more than he cared to admit. What if she was actually planning to try to run away back to the muggle world? Being expelled may be the least of her worries should she try something so reckless.

Severus sighed quietly, resigned to his newest task. He wouldn't stand idly by and watch her cast destruction in her own life. If he had any power at all, he'd save her from herself. "Well goodnight then…" He eyed her with purpose. She rolled her eyes lightheartedly. "What?"

"Nothing… Just-"

"Don't worry, Sev, I won't do anything stupid." She said and flashed him a warm smile.

He smiled back. "Good."


	3. Chapter 3: Pillow Talk

Severus didn't return to the Slytherin house. He didn't want to be bothered by the presence of others with his thoughts full to the brim. And as much as he wanted to believe Lily would hold to her word of not doing anything stupid, he couldn't stop replaying her fantasy of packing up her things and abandoning the wizard world. For her sake, he needed to be there just in case. He hid himself in the shadows of a staircase in view of the fat lady's portrait. She glared at him.

"If you're waiting to overhear the password so you can sneak in after the red-haired girl, you can forget it! I know a Slytherin when I see one, and password or not, I'm not letting you in." Her portrait scolded. He ignored her keeping a watchful eye while also letting his thoughts carry him away.

If only Lily had been sorted into Slytherin that fateful first night, things would be different. She would be happier, fulfilled by magic and the wizard world without the need to look to the muggle world for satisfaction. He remembered how elated she had been to find out she was a witch and going to be attending a magic school. What had happened between then and now that changed her mind? If he could figure that out, maybe he could remind her why she'd wanted to come in the first place.

The little spark of hope was snuffed out as his thoughts turned inward. When he wasn't with his friends in the Slytherin common room, he was with her. He tried to make her feel included, to make her feel cared for, to make her happy, but she wasn't. And maybe there was nothing he could do to change it.

Maybe he wasn't the one she needed to be spending so much of her time with, especially given her misgivings about his current company. It seemed as though every time they argued about his lifestyle choices, she withdrew a little more. But that wasn't fair for her to do that. Friends disagree and argue and don't shut each other out.

Perhaps a different kind of person, a _James Potteresque_ figure, could inspire her in a way that he couldn't. The thought made him smirk. As difficult as Lily could sometimes be, he'd renounce his Slytherin ways and become a Gryffindor fanboy if Potter came close to understanding her and making her happy.

As much as he loathed Potter, the memories of him trying and failing to impress Lily over and over were a favorite occupation of his thoughts. With the revelation of the upcoming dancing festivities, he was sure to try his luck with her again. Severus pictured him twirling and flailing his limbs around like a doofus in an attempt to show off what he thought were dance moves to impress her. He imagined a look of disgust on her face as she frowned down upon him. "You couldn't be anymore ridiculous if you tried. As if I'd go to the dance with _you_-" Her derisive, mocking laugh rang in his mind, though she'd never actually made any noise of the sort.

A satisfied smile spread across his face, and he relaxed leaning against the wall shoving his hands in his robe pockets. The crinkled paper inside that brushed against his hand zapped the light mood away.

The owl at breakfast that morning had been unexpected and most certainly unwanted. His friends at the Slytherin table hadn't even looked up as he unfolded the parchment discreetly and read the message:

_I hope your studies are going well. Meet me by the train station in Hogsmeade at midnight on Saturday. It is urgent. _

_With Love, Mother._

It was urgent, but it could apparently wait until Saturday night. He'd seldom received letters from his mother, but it was never to simply exchange pleasantries. She certainly didn't write to tell him how much she appreciated him.

If she was writing, she wanted something from him. The thought to shred the note and forget its existence was tempting, but he had folded it reverently and tucked it away with purpose. Ignoring his mother had never been an option, no matter how tempting.

Out of nowhere, the portrait swung open with a protest from the dozing fat lady. Lily, clothed in her nightgown and school robe, climbed through the hole stumbling with exhaustion. "Where do you think you're going at this time of night, young lady? I suppose you think it appropriate to wander the halls so late in nothing but a nightgown and expect me to open at your whim." She bitched, but Lily only shushed her and whispered an apology.

She crept nearer to his staircase, and he retracted further into the corridor nervously. He didn't want to be caught spying outside of Gryffindor corridor. That was sure to start a nasty argument. Luckily, she bypassed his staircase without even looking.

He shook his head in disapproval. How could she be so careless, skulking around the halls after curfew without even observing her surroundings? At least he knew she wasn't running away with her current state of dress and having none of her things with her. As she made her way down the hall, he tailed her at a safe distance.

Severus was becoming increasingly good at hiding when he didn't want to be seen. She never sensed his presence as she took three sets of stairs down to the third floor and down the hall pausing at the music room. "_Alohomora_." She whispered with the flick of her wand and disappeared behind the great, wooden door.

He hesitated outside of the doors not knowing what to do with himself. He couldn't go in without having to explain himself, but he was also missing what she was doing. He was anxiously curious, but luckily, she didn't leave him in the dark long. He heard light piano echoing inside the room and lulling out into the hall. With a start, he pressed his hands against the door.

She'd lost her mind, there was no other explanation. The music wasn't loud, but it wasn't quiet either. If Filch or a prefect patrolled this floor, they would surely hear it. The piano sounded choppy. She hit sour notes and stopped and started the same part of the song over and over. Finally she banged on the keys with a frustrated huff. He couldn't stand by and let her recklessness get her in trouble. He opened the doors with a loud creak, and she jumped

"What _are_ you _doing_?" He hissed in her direction scoldingly.

She blinked several times taking him in before she straightened her shoulders.

"I could ask you the same thing! Did you follow-"

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself in trouble?" He spoke loudly over her to change the subject. Her confused, empty gaze was answer enough.

"You could hear the music? I thought I put a silencing charm on it." She said, looking embarrassed. "Well it didn't work. I'll do it." He stormed to the piano and flicked his wand sending sparks around the piano. "There. Now only we can hear it."

"I should've saved you the effort. I think I'm finished." She was embarrassed that he'd caught her, that she'd failed to implement the magic charm, and that he heard her rusty practice. He sensed her discomfort and cleared his throat.

"Keep playing. It sounded… good." He lied poorly, and she sighed. "I know it's bad. It's been so long since i've practiced, and I'm losing my touch. Might as well go with what I already know." She started up a melodic tune he'd heard many times. She had taken piano lessons through the first years of their friendship. She'd never talked about it with him, but he'd sat outside her living room window and listened every time she'd had a lesson.

Her hands flew across the keys gracefully. She never looked more focused and impassioned than when she played. As he watched her body sway with the music, his heart skipped a beat, his body warmer than usual. She finished the song with a high but soft tinkling of keys that echoed along the walls. She looked up at him for approval, and warmth welled up in his chest filling even his lungs with its tingle. As they made searing eye contact, he felt a burning from within him.

As much as he'd tried in the past, he couldn't deny that he yearned for her - a girlish, stubborn, occasionally hardheaded Gryffindor. Knowing nothing else to say, he said "You know, i-if you wanted to hear music, you could've cast a spell on the piano. Would have saved you the frustration."

This was not the response she was looking for, but she smiled anyway.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Magic doesn't solve everything. There's something about handling it with your hands and fingers that feels invigorating, like I can handle anything. Like I'm connected to my old life, my mom…" She trailed off in thought, and he didn't break the silence for awhile.

"Why don't you play more. Since it's kind of a muggle thing, maybe you could show me a thing or two." He said, and she beamed at him. They spent an hour reveling in the music until the two were heavy with exhaustion. The event sparked an idea in Severus that may keep Lily grounded until he could figure out how to change her mind about the wizard world and Hogwarts.

* * *

Lily snuggled into the warm sheets of her bed surrounded by her red, velvet privacy curtain. She'd double-checked her sound silencing charm this time, but even though she was sure it functioned perfectly, her voice was a raspy whisper.

"Petunia?" She said with her cheek and ear pressed into her pillow. The air was painfully silent, only the sound of restful breathing and her own heartbeat greeting her. A sob threatened to break free, but she choked it back forcing a clear head. "Tuney? Are you there?" She asked not really expecting a reply. It had to be after midnight by the time she'd returned to her dorm room. Surely Petunia was asleep.

"I told you not to contact me this way! I will not be speaking to a pillow, not now, not ever! If you want to talk to me, use the telephone like a normal person!" Petunia's shrill voice disturbed the silence bitterly, but Lily hadn't heard a more welcome sound. The air she breathed warmed her chest. "We don't have phones at Hogwarts. You know that." Her tone was much too happy to match the words, but she didn't care if she sounded silly to her logic-minded sister.

"Well!" Petunia made a strange noise in her throat. "Seems you have a dilemma, doesn't it?"

"I don't have one as long as you answer." Lily said falling into the casual, sarcastic banter she often shared with her sister.

"I thought I'd made myself clear. I won't answer this way."

"But you did."

Petunia was speechless for just a moment before she breathed in annoyance. "What do you want?"

Now Lily paused, because she didn't have a specific reason in mind, and she knew Petunia would leave without a good reason to stay. She didn't care what she said really, just the sound of her voice soothed the ache inside of her. When next she spoke, her voice was thick with unshed tears. "I miss you, Tuney."

Petunia heard the profound sadness in her tone, and it took her aback. Lily heard her bite back whatever she had been about to say and reconsider her words.

"What's the matter with you? You talked our ears off all summer about Hogwarts and magic and your weirdo magical friends. Is the castle no longer fit for a princess?" Her words were derogatory, but her tone was half-hearted. The question, though snidely worded, was genuine.

"I..." The words she needed to release were harder to say than she imagined. "I want to come home." And now that the words were out, she couldn't staunch the flood of emotions. Silent tears slid down her cheek pooling against the pillow and a soft sob escaped.

"What do you mean you want to come home?" The notion floored her. "No, you can't come home, Lily."

"Why can't I?"

"Because you- it doesn't make sense. Tell me, what have they done that makes you want to rush home all of the sudden? It must be bloody terrible to have you giving up like this." Her words hit Lily like a slap to the face. She reeled back and swallowed the anger that threatened to join the despair. The last thing she wanted to do was alienate her sister and lose that lifeline when she needed it most. She couldn't very well explain all that had occurred in the last six years, the complexities of wizard politics, or the shortcomings of the wizard world over the pillow. Not in the allotted time anyway. She could feel their conversation drawing to a close, and she had to leave herself an opening with her sister.

"It's a lot to explain. There's no need to worry-"

"I'm not worried about you one bit." The harder she tried to make her voice sound stern, the more evident the false note became. Lily smiled at the girl's stubborn need to project a tough persona. In that moment, she couldn't help but love her more for it.

"I've been talking to this woman for a few weeks now, and she's been helping me through these feelings I'm having. I know I need to talk to someone... and I'd love for that someone to be you. If you'll have me, that is." She said feeling somewhat shy. It was hard to be vulnerable with Petunia, because she so rarely let her guard down. Her words must've struck a chord with her, because she sighed deeply.

"Fine. I will have a chat with you, and we can talk it out for as long as you like. But I am not answering the pillow again unless it's an emergency. Do you hear me, Lily?"

Lily chuckled through a thick stream of tears unable to help herself. "Got it, Tuney."


End file.
